I had plans to write my entire Orphan Black 4×03 recap as a listing of Helena’s one-liners, but that would do a disservice to the rest of the story. So, if you want only the Helena goodness, jump to the fancy bold headline at the end that dedicates an entire section to the precious assassin. If you’d prefer to first find out what Sarah Manning and the rest of the Clone Club were up to following Sarah’s discovery of an implant in her cheek at the end of last week‘s Orphan Black season 4 episode, you’ll have a wee bit more reading ahead of you. Either way, let’s get this “Adventures of Five Tatiana Maslanys” show on the road.
Sarah Manning seeks answers, finds the world’s worst dentists. As far as the overall arc for Orphan Black season 4 went, the big story was Sarah’s need to find out what the Neolutionists had implanted in her mouth and why. After some science talk from Cosima and Scott, Sarah was off to share the big news with Felix…who basically told her he didn’t care because he’d found his long lost biological sister. Oh, Fee.
Her next stop was a visit to Dizzy. Yeah, that’s actually the name used by MK’s contact. He’s the guy Sarah ran into at Club Neolution and had known for maybe five minutes before stealing his phone. Obviously, he was going to be willing to help after an experience like that. Or not. It took Sarah letting him fell her cheek for the “robot maggot,” as Alison so eloquently put it, for Dizzy to decide to start handing out information.
And none of it was good.
There were rumors about the implants being used for a variety of actually useful things — like the distribution of insulin or drugs — but what would the point be in that? It was the placement of the critters, so close to the brain, that had Dizzy thinking they were there for far more sinister purposes. Agreed.
Sarah was desperate to find someone to help her get the thing out of her mouth, and while Dizzy was unable to provide anything concrete, he did say that he’d heard of someone by the name of Alonso Martinez who might be of use. And off Sarah went to
use ask Art Bell (Kevin Hanchard) for help in finding the guy. After a miraculously fast search, Art was able to get Sarah some needed information on Martinez…and off she went to the dentist’s office.
I’m too scared to even bloody brush my teeth, Art.
Pro tip: If brushing your teeth turns bloody and/or makes you afraid, you need a better dentist. Oh, that’s not the type of bloody Sarah meant? Whatever.
At the dental implant facility, Sarah was mistaken for Beth Childs by Leslie, a…hygienist? Assistant? I’m still vague on the details on that one, but here’s what we did learn: While Leslie knew all sorts of things about the scientific research happening at the facility, she had no idea that Beth was dead, that Sarah Manning existed, or that she, herself, probably shouldn’t be performing super sensitive procedures all alone.
Fortunately for Sarah, Art called Mrs. S (Maria Doyle Kennedy) to say he was afraid Sarah might be in trouble — must be any day ending in d-a-y — just as S. was having a very heated discussion with Ferdinand (James Frain). Siobhan had no desire whatsoever to work with Ferdinand until he made the big reveal that Susan Duncan was still alive. Evidently, game changing news is, well, a game changer.
Off Ferdinand went to rescue everyone’s favorite impulsive clone, and he even offed Leslie while he was at it. Why EvilJamesFrainDudeIHadToLookUpHisNameToRememberIt bothered to save Sarah, I have no idea. Guess we’ll have to wait for next week to find out.
I don’t think that’s how dental appointments are supposed to go. If it is, I’ve been doing it all wrong.
Lucky for Sarah, Alison and Donnie happened to have another implant on hand for Cosima and Scott to analyze. Nope. Alison didn’t have one of her own; she just had Dr. Leekie’s. Because, you know, his corpse was still on the property from that time Donnie murdered him.
Someone explain to me why that thing is the only part of Aldous Leekie’s body that still looks all fleshy and alive-like, while the rest of him has decayed to black, slimy grossness that “smells like hot garbage juice.”
Wait. Don’t. I probably don’t want to know.
I don’t want them to grow up like me. Nearly impossible to follow clonespiracy aside, the real story of Orphan Black 4×03 might have been the realization that growing up in the Orphan Black universe can be awful; and even when characters think they’re a part of a family, they might not be at all.
Take, for example, Felix Dawkins (Jordan Gavaris). He finally found his biological sister, Adele, but it was at the worst possible time for his foster family. Just as Sarah was ready to tell Fee all about her robot maggot, Adele materialized in his flat to generally be obnoxious. I’m not sure how this person can possibly be related to Felix; but the important thing here is that, even when he ditched Sarah to spend time with her, he didn’t really get what he was looking for.
As it turned out, Adele was Felix’s half sister. They shared a father, but Felix was hoping that she’d have some information on his mother. While Adele’s mom knew about their father’s affair with Felix’s mom, she’d never really known anything about her.
So, here we are. Family science.
And then Felix shared more about his feelings on his birth mom with this “sister” of his than he’d ever shared with Sarah. Or, well. I’m assuming it’s more than he’d ever shared with Sarah because she was so blindsided by his desire to even look for family.
For a guy that’s usually all about the commando artwork and being generally hilarious, seeing Felix so open and honest about how he doesn’t remember his birth mom but sort of has a sense of her was about one part shocking to ten parts painful. And the fight he had with Sarah over the whole thing was even worse.
Frankly, I’m not going to drop all my shit yet again because you’re short a sidekick.
Oh, Fee. It wasn’t ever about being short a sidekick. Sarah really wanted to tell you the latest. She skipped resting and even postponed hunting for answers to come tell you.
I need to tell Fee.
Speaking of hurt, Rachel Duncan. In my spoiler post for this episode, I officially welcomed Rachel to Orphan Black season 4. Now, I’m thinking we might even be welcoming her to the Clone Club sometime soon.
Because you abandoned me. I always thought that Neolution killed you, but you were Neolution.
Physically, Rachel’s in a lot better shape than when we last saw her. While her speech impediment still rears its ugly head from time to time, she’s nowhere near the stuttering, timid mess she was in Orphan Black season 3. But emotionally, things are…not great. At all.
Rachel lost the parents that she’d adored, only to find out much later that they weren’t actually dead. While Rachel’s reunion with Ethan Duncan was sweet (if short-lived), her time spent with Susan has been…not good. Every single negative character trait that Rachel has ever exhibited seems to have come from her mother, particularly the cold detachment and the evil “greater good” justification for her actions. You know, classy actions like creating Charlotte by cloning Rachel and not telling her about it until now.
Susan Duncan’s idea of “greater good” is controlling evolution “to create a more perfect human being,” whatever that means, but Rachel seemed to be unimpressed with that idea as the episode closed. Perhaps it was because her mother had called her a failure as part of normal dinner conversation. Or maybe it was because Susan Duncan chose to raise Ira (Ari Millen), a Castor clone, over her.
Yeah…a Castor clone. Raised separately, but probably just as destructively, from all the rest. Just what we need.
Here’s what else we don’t need: Creepy Kira. Whatever this dream is she’s had, where the rest of the Clone Club sets Sarah on fire? I’m not here for that. Let’s just not. I get that she’s probably sick of being lied to and left behind while her mom runs headfirst into danger and all, but pyromania is not the answer.
See the theme here? Felix, Rachel, Kira. Absent mothers, less than desirable experiences, screwed up individuals…Yeah, if I’m Helena, I don’t want my babies growing up like this, either.
Helena is the precious, Orphan Black 4×03 style. And. Here. We. Go.
- “Like crystals.” Don’t ask a pregnant Helena to babysit the children instead of helping with troubles. She will smash eggs, and you be very happy that the eggs are there as a distraction to keep her from smashing you.
- “Sestra, you finally answered. I have news to tell you.” Yeah, so…I guess Sarah hasn’t been returning Helena’s calls? Rude. Sestra Sarah finally answers the phone, and she gets hit with the news bomb about Helena’s twins…and we all get hit with a giant feels explosion.
- “Yes, much ok. Because I know they will always have each other. Like us. But Sestra, can I say something? I don’t them to grow up like me.” Helena doesn’t even realize that she still doesn’t always have her sestra, and she’s so desperate for her babies to have a family that she’s willing to stay hidden at Casa Hendrix. Ouch.
- “I will rub it.” Nope, get your mind out of the gutter. She’s going to rub her pregnant belly because Sestra Sarah told her to.
- “Can I offer you some breads?” The answer to everything is food, especially when the question is, “how do I distract these detectives from their murder investigation of my ‘refund’ victims?” But, of course, if you’re Helena you’ve either already eaten all of the good food or are not willing to share what’s available. Because it’s only available to you. “I will continue to be hostess.” Of course.
- “Hello, Husband Donald!” When pretending to be Sestra Alison, we must greet our husband appropriately.
- “No, they died.” Good answer when someone asks if you’ve met the guys you killed.
Bonus gif: Helena raids the fridge.
What’s next for the Clone Club? Tune in to Orphan Black on BBC America to find out. If you’re lucky, you might even learn what being a scientist and a lesbian has to do with not letting things slide.